Psalm 62

My Soul Waits for God Alone

¹For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from him comes my salvation.
²He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.

³How long will all of you attack a man
to batter him,
like a leaning wall, a tottering fence?
⁴They only plan to thrust him down from his high position.
They take pleasure in falsehood.
They bless with their mouths,
but inwardly they curse.
Selah

⁵For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
⁶He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
⁷On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

⁸Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.
Selah

⁹Those of low estate are but a breath;
those of high estate are a delusion;
in the balances they go up;
they are together lighter than a breath.
¹⁰Put no trust in extortion;
set no vain hopes on robbery;
if riches increase, set not your heart on them.

¹¹Once God has spoken;
twice have I heard this:
that power belongs to God,
¹²and that to you, O Lord, belongs steadfast love.
For you will render to a man
according to his work.

English Standard Version

Psalm 62:8

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.

Home Sweet Home

Today has been a long but good day. I just got back to my apartment about 10 minutes ago after meeting with some clients. On the drive back I realized that Cedar Rapids is now home. For a while now I've waffled back and forth between Des Moines is home, Des Moines isn't really home anymore but Cedar Rapids isn't home, and Cedar Rapids is comfortable but do I really want to call this place home? Every couple weeks I end up back in Des Moines for another birthday party or holiday. I think this has made the transition more difficult.

But today while I was driving back to my apartment I realized that I'm now at home. It was nice.

Contemplation

I realize that I have been silent on my blog for the last month. Maybe I should have been updating, but honestly, I don't think that the mundane needs to be remembered or shared so publicly. So, since that is my view, why update now? Some things have been happening and I need to process them. I'm the type of person who processes things best by talking but that really isn't much of an option for me at the moment. I still don't have many friends here in Cedar Rapids and the new friends I have made probably wouldn't understand my thought process because most of them aren't believers. My old friends are probably all working or busy in one way or another.

A few words to summarize the last month: CHANGE and GROWING PAINS and UNCERTAINTY. Yesterday I was basically told that what I had been promised before my move wasn't going to happen. It is crushing to have dreams fall apart.

This morning I started reading in Job. Not because I really identify, I haven't lost everything - my family, possessions, health, but because a friend has a question and I'm trying to find answers. The side notes in my Bible have some hard questions: "If you lost everything in one day, what would be your biggest question? a. Why me? b. How could I have prevented this? c. What can I learn from this? d. Where is God? e. How can I recover? f. What will my insurance cover?" "After all of Job's losses, he responded by worshiping God. What can you praise God for right now?"

There are more questions in the sidelines, but these two are the most revealing for me. When I go through hard times, my response is generally to question God. Where is he? Why is he allowing this to happen? Why is life so complicated and hard? I don't think it is wrong to ask these questions, but I do think that it is wrong to have the answers (God is with me. He allows hard things to happen for his glory and my good. Sin.) and still insist on questioning God rather than accept that things are the way they are and praise him.

Another thought I had this morning caused me to turn to Genesis: to the beginning of mankind. I was reading the second chapter and I noticed that God provided for Adam and Eve before he created them. He provided the basic necessities for sustaining life and he provided a purpose. I believe with everything in me that God created me. Not only did he create me, but he loves and cherishes me as he did Adam and Eve. Reading this chapter of Genesis reminded me that God doesn't lead his children somewhere and abandon them. He provides everything we need to live and accomplish whatever he wants us to do.

He IS good. Always.

He DOESN"T change. Ever.

Anyway, this is just something I'm contemplating today.

Whirlwind

I feel like the last couple weeks of my life didn't really happen. So many big things have taken place that I can't process it all.

1. I sold my house.

2. I found a place in Cedar Rapids to live and have spent the last 3 Saturdays fixing it up.

3. I bought a new (to me) car.

4. I moved last Friday.

5. My dad and I spent all day Saturday working on the apartment.

6. My dad left this morning and I went to a new church on my own for morning and evening services.

I know that these changes aren't as big as if I had moved to a different country, but it still takes a lot of adaption.

I need a nap.

Sold pt. 2

This week I've had a couple inspections on my house. I haven't heard anything back, so I'm assuming that they went well.

I am still at the stage of attempting to find housing in Cedar Rapids. It hasn't been the easiest thing to do since I'm not there. Almost two weeks ago, when I went to look at houses with my family, it was rather disappointing; there really weren't any that were interesting. So now I am apartment hunting. It isn't going very well. On Saturday I will have between 12:30 and 2:00pm and then again from probably about 3:30 until maybe 5:00. I have no idea how long it takes to get the grand tours of the apartments.

One interesting possibility has come up. My brother-in-law's brother lives in Marion, IA (right outside of Cedar Rapids) and is interested in renting out his basement. It doesn't have a kitchen yet, but my rent would consist of putting one in. Like I mentioned earlier...it's interesting.

Yesterday I was on the verge of a minor breakdown. I started calling apartment complexes and no one was answering the phones. How frustrating. Also, most places want me to sign a year's lease. Since I would prefer to buy a house rather than rent, I only want to sign for 6 months. If I lived in Scott's basement, I wouldn't have to sign a contract at all - another bonus. Plus I would probably end up covering most of the rent up front and not have to worry about monthly payments for a while.

A lot to think and pray about.

This morning I read Deuteronomy 31:8 - The Lord himself goes before you and is with you, he will not leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. Right now that verse is extremely reassuring.

Sold!

One week ago today, my house sold. We close on October 23, the day after my 31st birthday.

Now that my house has sold and my biggest obstacle for moving is out of the way, I'm almost getting nervous. I have some big changes ahead of me. I keep telling myself that I'll be OK and I know I will be. All major changes include some aspect of nervousness, no matter how great the change. I know God is in this so even if it is hard, I'm doing what I should be doing.

Saturday, I am going to Cedar Rapids to look for a new house. I'm hoping that I find one that I really love that is at the right price. I know most people desire this when they are looking to buy a house, who would think, "You know, I really want to buy a house I'll hate."

I'll keep you posted.

Iowa State Fair pt.2

Yesterday I made it back to the Iowa State Fair. As intended I was able to get some rib tips. They were worth an extra trip to the fair.

So here is the food run down for the day (and again, most of the food was shared 4 ways):

Rib Tips

Funnel Cake

Fried Snickers

Corn Dog

Chips

Turkey Leg

Pretzel

Taffy

I think that was everything, but I may have forgotten something.

Again I went with my sister, Deann, and we met up with our parents. Since we spent last Saturday there, we didn't do much beyond wander around aimlessly. We did watch the chainsaw carver at work.

At the end of the day, we went to a horse show. Two memorable things happened: 1) a draft horse reared up and ended up falling. FREAKY for those of us who aren't around horses often. And 2) a team of 6 came partially unhitched. Again FREAKY for those of us who aren't around horses often.

Over all it was a good day.

Making Some Changes

I'm sure that all of my regular readers (all 1 of you) have noticed that I have removed my Recent Reading gadget from my sidebar. There are a couple reasons for this: 1. I haven't really been keeping track of what I have been reading. 2. In the grand scheme of life, all the piddly books I was reading really don't matter. I've decided to start giving quick and incomplete reviews or summaries of the books that challenge me to think and act differently. First up is The Five Love Languages of Teenagers by Dr. Gary Chapman.

As in all the other Love Language books Dr. Chapman has written, he explains what the five love languages are and how they apply specifically to the target age group. The five love languages are 1. words of affirmation, 2. acts of service, 3. gifts, 4. physical touch, and 5. quality time. (I did not list the love languages in the order the author taught them.) Dr. Chapman did an excellent job explaining how each of these languages would be best received by teens and how, due to the fluctuating moods and states that teens experience, the teen's receptivity to any given language will vacillate depending on those states of mind.

The book is an easy read and will help the reader better understand teens and how to best relate and help them though the more difficult times of maturation.

After completing The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, I decided that since I didn't know what my personal love languages are I should take the appropriate test. Since I own The Five Love Languages of Singles I decided to turn to the end of the book and be quizzed. I discovered that I am bilingual and am most receptive to words of affirmation (this received 10 out of 30 points) and physical touch (this received 9 out of 30 points). I equally appreciate quality time and acts of service (5 points) but don't waste your money buying me stuff. Gifts scored a low 1 point so I really don't want you to give me anything. Oh wait. Let me re-think that one.

Moral of the story, if you want to make me feel loved feel free to tell me how great I am and give me random hugs.

Iowa State Fair

The end of summer is here and that means that it is time for the Iowa State Fair. Thursday was the opening day and also the day they hosted the Jeremy Camp and Steven Curtis Chapman concert. I was able to go thanks to Nita and April. I just want to say that the concert rocked...quite literally. Nita was able to get us some great seats. As soon as I saw how close we were to the stage I started kicking myself for not bringing my camera. I was able to take a couple photos with the camera on my phone, but they are poor quality and they make it seem as if we were quite a ways from the stage. SCC is pictured above. At least he is as pictured as my phone allows.

I have never been to a Jeremy Camp concert before and let me advise you that if you ever have the chance to see him live, take it. SCC was great as well. I thought that the combination of JC and SCC was unique. They both did a great job communicating that Christians should live life passionately for God. Both men have suffered huge losses in their lives: Jeremy Camp lost his first wife to cancer after they had only been married for three months, and Steven Curtis Chapman lost one of his young daughters in a tragic accident a year ago last May. Both men talked about how their relationship with God, during their raw grief, had to prove itself to be more than just words. It is a relationship that gets deeper and more refined with hard times. God truly is who He says He is in the Bible.

I'm having a hard time portraying the heart of what they said. Check out their blogs if you don't know what I am saying. I'm sure that you will be able to figure it out from there.

Yesterday I spent the day at the Fair. Anyone who has been there knows that the main attraction is the food. Typically I end up leaving the Fair being a bit disappointed because I get full too quickly and can't try a wide variety of foods. But yesterday, thankfully, I was with my parents and sister, Deann. The smart way to do the Fair is to be with a small group of people who want to split all sorts of foods.

Here is a run down of our day: (to the best of my recollection)

saw crafts

split giant pickles

saw things that were made out of butter (see pictures)

saw a sign for salad on a stick

shared a slice of apple pizza

ate an Elephant Ear

ate chips

decided I wanted to try rib tips

tried to find stand selling rib tips

looked at the winning entries for the ugly cake contest (one looked like the inside of a toilet bowl...I'll leave the mental picture up to your imagination)

tried to find stand selling rib tips

got free ice cream cones

tried to find stand selling rib tips

ate fried veggies (had to get something "healthy" in us)

saw more stuff

tried to find stand selling rib tips

sat on a bench for a while

ate a turkey leg

tried to find stand selling rib tips

bucket of chocolate chip cookies

gave up on the rib tips

In between our times of eating we did go into various buildings to see stuff. I didn't buy anything this year besides food, so as I left I felt as if I had missed out. Maybe I should go back this Saturday.

Deann and I left before my parents did and I was driving home I got a phone call from my mom telling me that they found the rib tips stand. Decision made: I'm going back this Saturday.

I'm a Broken Record

Almost every time I talk to basically anyone I end up telling them how excited I am to move. I thought that my house would have sold by now. I had really HOPED that my house would have sold by now. Oh well, chalk it up to another or rather my continued lesson on patience.

In a couple hours I will be heading to the pool with one of my sisters and her kids. I bought a pool pass this last spring and haven’t actually been able to use it. What a good investment. J The pool doesn’t open until 12:30 and the only days I’m not working in the afternoons are Tuesdays and Thursdays. So far this summer it just hasn’t worked out for me to go. How sad. On the bright side, I HAVE made it to the lake a couple times when the sun HAS been out. Yes, the sun was actually out and I was able to experience this more than once this summer. Yay!

More thoughts on change

Looking back, I think that my last post was rather confusing. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was saying and ended up combining two different but related thoughts. My apologies.

Here is a better explanation of my first thought: I've been reconnecting with some old friends. Although we haven't talked for years they seem to be the same. Circumstances in our lives have changed, but their basic personality and their character as a whole isn't necessarily all that different. Who they were becoming years ago is who they have turned out to be; and who they are now reflects who they were in the past.

My second thought was a bit of a disclaimer to the first thought: I don't think that people can't or don't go through radical transformations. The best transformations result from God turning us upside down and inside out for HIS glory. I also believe that there are bad transformations. Everyone will eventually get hit by the junk of life and when that happens we need to actively try to respond how God wants us to respond. If we don't we will often be tainted.

James tells us the best way to react: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. James 1: 2-8

Quick Update

Not many things have been going on lately. My house still hasn't sold. I'm starting to get impatient, but I know that God will have it sell at the right time.

I have been able to start reconnecting with some old friends. It is interesting to see how people really don't change. Circumstances do, but personalities and tendencies really don't change all that drastically. Maybe I should make a disclaimer here: people don't truly change their own personalities by their own effort. God can change people and it is only through him that we have true hope.

My Newest Little Buddie

I don't think that the average person has an attention span that really allows for long blog posts, so yesterday I only mentioned one of the newer things going on in my life. Here is another: Zach. My newest nephew was born May 4, my brother's birthday. My brother seemed to be thrilled to share his day with Zach. Maybe now Daniel will still get his superhero birthday parties. Zach won't outgrow it for quite a while and if he is like my brother at all he never will.

Zach is an unusually alert baby. From the start he would look for the cause of whatever sound he was hearing. Most babies don't do that on the day they are born. Way to go, Zach! And welcome to the family.

For Sale

It has been forever since I've updated the blog...as if you hadn't noticed. However, I do hope that you enjoyed watching my last post as much as my sister and I enjoyed the process of torturing her youngest son into talking on camera. It is a post worth savoring. So why rush on to the next post, right? (OK. The truth is that most of what was going on in my life couldn't be made public.)

So what's new seven months later, you ask? A LOT!!

So here is my biggest and best news: I'm moving! Yay! I'm excited.

Once my house sells I will be moving to Cedar Rapids, IA to work for Life Connection. I will be counseling at risk teens and their families. Otherwise I landed my dream job. Once I get relocated I will give updates on what the job entails.

Because of the changes my life took a couple years ago, I have been wanting to leave the Des Moines area. But I didn't want to leave in order to run away. I wanted to leave in order to go to something. So I started praying about it. A year and a half later this job opportunity was presented and it wasn't just a job to have because I need to work to support myself, it is one I want because I want the position. Let me reiterate: Yay!

Know anyone who wants to buy a small house? I really want to get moved.

Obi Who?

Jewlery

I’m not really into advertising for people or stores but I wanted to make an exception. If you want unique jewelry go to Karisma by Kara to shop.

I know this doesn’t count as a realy update, but at the moment it will have to do. :)

I'm 30 Now

I’m 30 years old now. Whoa!

Wednesday was my birthday. It was an incredible day. It started with breakfast at Panera with April and Chrissie. This year they overdid the generosity with gifts. April gave me an old and way cool copy of The Call of the Wild. Chrissie gave me a tee shirt that says “Seriously? Seriously?” I didn’t realize how often I said that word until I got the shirt. They both gave me a new camera. I was and am still blown away by that gift.

Right away I started playing with it. It takes videos too. My first video victim...or rather my first model was April. She was thrilled that I was videoing her while she was eating. The second is Chris. I took this one while we were blowing time in Barnes and Noble after breakfast.

After breakfast and B&N, I went to the office. I had a decent time there. Mom and dad sent a beautiful arrangement of cut flowers. It had Gerber daisies and lilies. Both are among my favorites. After my office hours I quickly did my cleaning for the elementary hallway then sped to the book discussion that Heather and Suzanne and I do. After we were done talking about the assigned chapters we had a little celebration. Heather provided cake, Suz brought ice-cream. We had fun.

Thursday was a great day too. I watched Evie in the afternoon. She was really well behaved and she was actually awake for most of the time I was there. We played for quite a while. After that I did my cleaning at the school again.

Friday was another good day even though it was all work and no play. Saturday was great too. I started off at mom and dad’s house for breakfast. Breakfast ended up being really quick since I ended up not having as much time as I thought. I was planning on attending the Sarah Palin rally with Daniel, Jodi, their kids, and mom and dad. After I got to the parent’s house I discovered that we needed to leave about an hour and a half before I thought we would. I wanted to get my cleaning done for the Tarbell Company so I left before breakfast was ready.

When we got to Hyvee Hall for the rally we discovered that there weren’t any chairs. Standing for three hours was a bit painful, but it was worth it. As usual the kids were...active. Before the rally actually started Senator Chuck Grassley was walking through the crowd shaking hands. Of course I had my new camera with me so when Carson ran after the Senator to shake his hand I ran after him to take their picture. The Senator was gracious enough to stop for a photo, but since I wasn’t fully used to using the camera I didn’t get the lens zoomed out quickly enough and ended up getting a photo of the Grassley’s chest and Carson’s forehead. The Senator’s aid realized that I didn’t get a good picture so she chased him down and asked him to come back. Again he was gracious enough to pose. While posing he pointed out that the flash had gone off so he assumed that I had my picture. I explained that I had messed up the zoom and the people who had been watching all started laughing. It was hilarious.

After the rally the entire family, all 19 of us headed to the Machine Shed for dinner. I think the last time I was there was for my birthday a couple years earlier. The food there is way too good and way too unhealthy. I got a piece of birthday pie and only turned one shade of red while the servers sang to me. Then the family all headed back to mom and dad’s for cake and ice-cream. Almost a week later I’m still full.

20 something no more...

Today is my last day in my 20s. It is hard to believe that tomorrow I turn 30; I still feel like I should be 12. I almost feel like I need to offer advice to the youth of the world since I am joining the group of the more seasoned. So here is a bit of "wisdom" for all those youthful individuals who are remaining in their 20s while I press on into a new phase of life.

1. Don't wish for neices and nephews...once they start, your siblings may not stop having kids. This will change your financial status greatly. Christmas will no longer be a time of shopping for bargans to enhance your own wardrobe but will become a time of bargain hunting for the latest and greatest toys...which will all break the day after Christmas.

2. You thought that the early 20s were rough because of all the life changes...this doesn't stop once you hit 30 (or get really close to hitting 30). The changes are just accompanied by more physical aches and pains. Seriously...my feet kill and I still don't know what I want to be when I "grow up."

3. Parents really do age.

4. Friendships are harder to form, but the friendships are more rewarding.

5. Age really does make it harder to remember things.

6. Independence is great.

7. Independence is scary.

8. The memory goes down the drain.

9. Did I mention that my back hurts too?

10. Everything you thought you had figured out when you were 20, you should forget...you were probably wrong.

I May Need Help

So I haven’t done a very good job of keeping up with my chapter-a-week book review. I’ve been somewhat incapable of normality lately. Last week was filled with insanity. I managed to lock myself out of my house twice in a week. For the first five years of houseownership I was capable of leaving my house and bringing my keys with me. This summer I managed to, thanks to last week, get locked out five times. Nice. After the first time I was stuck outside last week I decided that since I had managed to set a new norm for ditziness I should have another spare key made and hidden. I have plenty of friends and family members with keys but I don’t want to keep asking them to drop everything and rescue me.

My lawn mower has been having problems. I have a great brother-in-law who has some skill at fixing small motors so I asked him to take a look at it. Naturally, in order to do so, he needed to get into my garage and since I now have a spare key I gave it to him so he could get in. He wasn’t able to figure out what the problem was but he has some friends at work who also have some skill at fixing small engines so he took the carburetor out of the mower so he could show them. That evening when I got home from work I didn’t notice the lawn mower sitting in the middle of the garage and ran into it with my car. Oops. The guys weren’t able to figure out what the problem was either so my b-i-l put the mower back together without doing anything to it. He said that he after it was reassembled it started up right away and ran with out any problem and that maybe taking the carburetor out shook something loose and let it pass. I may have helped with that process.

Thursday afternoon I was heading to work. As soon as I stepped out of the house I knew that I had locked my keys inside again. But I had a spare key nearby so no problem. Wait. Problem. My b-i-l still had it. Then I decided to call someone. I reached for my phone and realized it was locked in the house too. No problem. I live in a neighborhood with a bunch of older people and the neighbor across the street appeared to be home so I decided to trot over and ask to borrow his phone. I knocked and there wasn’t an answer so I knocked again. Still no answer. As I turned to run to another neighbor’s house he came to the door…in his tighty-whitey underwear. After recovering from my short-term blindness I was able to make a phone call for help and return to sitting outside my house and waiting to be rescued.

I got my spare key back later that day.