Moving Again

So life in good old Cedar Rapids didn't work out like I had wanted. These last six months have been the most stressful of my life. I've never cried this much or been this confused or this hurt. But all of that really hasn't been a bad thing. I know I have changed as a result of dealing with disappointment and fear and all sorts of situations and emotions I didn't anticipate when I relocated. I've never been so broken and so whole at the same time.

God has taught me about trusting Him and releasing the future to Him. No matter what comes up in the future or no matter what doesn't come up in the future, I know I'll be OK. God is in control. And in the end, it doesn't matter as much what I do for a living as long as I do it for God and not myself. I'll be OK as long as I keep following God.

So after six months of being challenged and stretched and molded it is time for me to move back to Des Moines. It was a hard decision but I'm convinced it is the right one.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

NKJV

Lecrae "Far Away"

I'm not all that into rap, but sometimes there are exceptions...

Click here to get the song on iTunes. Proceeds go to rebuilding efforts in Haiti.

Interesting Thought

I don't know about you, but I'm an avid reader. Not only do I read multiple genres of books, but I try to keep up with various blogs. This last week I read an article that helps me have a different view of my life as my Creator God molds and shapes me. To read it click here.

DugDownDeep_Carnahan.mov from Covenant Life Church on Vimeo.

Psalm 63

¹O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
²So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
³Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
⁴So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.

⁵My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
⁶when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
⁷for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
⁸My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

English Standard Version

Super Weekend

This weekend has been great. My friend April from Des Moines decided to visit me for the weekend. I was so excited on Thursday evening when she called to see if it would be OK for her to come.

She arrived Friday evening. We ended up talking until about 1am Saturday morning. On Saturday we went to breakfast around noon, Half Price Books (way better store here in CR than in DSM), the grocery store for food for Sunday, watched a couple movies at my place, went out for sushi, came back to my place watched another movie, and then talked way into the night again. Sunday morning we got up and went to church, made lunch at my place, read our respective books, and then started eating our way through Super Bowl 44. We have made it to halftime and are about half way through the food. Yay Superbowl.

Once the game is over, she will have to head back to DSM. Boo. Maybe the game will go into overtime.

Below is a picture of our sushi. I have to admit that I'm not a fan of raw fish. But at least it was an interesting experience.

Psalm 34

Taste and See That the LORD Is Good

¹I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
²My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
let the humble hear and be glad.
³Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
and let us exalt his name together!

⁴I sought the LORD, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
⁵Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
⁶This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.

⁸Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
⁹Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
¹⁰The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

¹¹Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
¹²What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
¹³Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips fromspeaking deceit.
¹⁴Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

¹⁵The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
¹⁶The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
¹⁷When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
¹⁸The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.

¹⁹Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
²⁰He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
²¹Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
²²The LORD redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

English Standard Version

Psalm 62

My Soul Waits for God Alone

¹For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from him comes my salvation.
²He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.

³How long will all of you attack a man
to batter him,
like a leaning wall, a tottering fence?
⁴They only plan to thrust him down from his high position.
They take pleasure in falsehood.
They bless with their mouths,
but inwardly they curse.
Selah

⁵For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
⁶He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
⁷On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

⁸Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.
Selah

⁹Those of low estate are but a breath;
those of high estate are a delusion;
in the balances they go up;
they are together lighter than a breath.
¹⁰Put no trust in extortion;
set no vain hopes on robbery;
if riches increase, set not your heart on them.

¹¹Once God has spoken;
twice have I heard this:
that power belongs to God,
¹²and that to you, O Lord, belongs steadfast love.
For you will render to a man
according to his work.

English Standard Version

Psalm 62:8

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.

Home Sweet Home

Today has been a long but good day. I just got back to my apartment about 10 minutes ago after meeting with some clients. On the drive back I realized that Cedar Rapids is now home. For a while now I've waffled back and forth between Des Moines is home, Des Moines isn't really home anymore but Cedar Rapids isn't home, and Cedar Rapids is comfortable but do I really want to call this place home? Every couple weeks I end up back in Des Moines for another birthday party or holiday. I think this has made the transition more difficult.

But today while I was driving back to my apartment I realized that I'm now at home. It was nice.

Contemplation

I realize that I have been silent on my blog for the last month. Maybe I should have been updating, but honestly, I don't think that the mundane needs to be remembered or shared so publicly. So, since that is my view, why update now? Some things have been happening and I need to process them. I'm the type of person who processes things best by talking but that really isn't much of an option for me at the moment. I still don't have many friends here in Cedar Rapids and the new friends I have made probably wouldn't understand my thought process because most of them aren't believers. My old friends are probably all working or busy in one way or another.

A few words to summarize the last month: CHANGE and GROWING PAINS and UNCERTAINTY. Yesterday I was basically told that what I had been promised before my move wasn't going to happen. It is crushing to have dreams fall apart.

This morning I started reading in Job. Not because I really identify, I haven't lost everything - my family, possessions, health, but because a friend has a question and I'm trying to find answers. The side notes in my Bible have some hard questions: "If you lost everything in one day, what would be your biggest question? a. Why me? b. How could I have prevented this? c. What can I learn from this? d. Where is God? e. How can I recover? f. What will my insurance cover?" "After all of Job's losses, he responded by worshiping God. What can you praise God for right now?"

There are more questions in the sidelines, but these two are the most revealing for me. When I go through hard times, my response is generally to question God. Where is he? Why is he allowing this to happen? Why is life so complicated and hard? I don't think it is wrong to ask these questions, but I do think that it is wrong to have the answers (God is with me. He allows hard things to happen for his glory and my good. Sin.) and still insist on questioning God rather than accept that things are the way they are and praise him.

Another thought I had this morning caused me to turn to Genesis: to the beginning of mankind. I was reading the second chapter and I noticed that God provided for Adam and Eve before he created them. He provided the basic necessities for sustaining life and he provided a purpose. I believe with everything in me that God created me. Not only did he create me, but he loves and cherishes me as he did Adam and Eve. Reading this chapter of Genesis reminded me that God doesn't lead his children somewhere and abandon them. He provides everything we need to live and accomplish whatever he wants us to do.

He IS good. Always.

He DOESN"T change. Ever.

Anyway, this is just something I'm contemplating today.

Whirlwind

I feel like the last couple weeks of my life didn't really happen. So many big things have taken place that I can't process it all.

1. I sold my house.

2. I found a place in Cedar Rapids to live and have spent the last 3 Saturdays fixing it up.

3. I bought a new (to me) car.

4. I moved last Friday.

5. My dad and I spent all day Saturday working on the apartment.

6. My dad left this morning and I went to a new church on my own for morning and evening services.

I know that these changes aren't as big as if I had moved to a different country, but it still takes a lot of adaption.

I need a nap.

Sold pt. 2

This week I've had a couple inspections on my house. I haven't heard anything back, so I'm assuming that they went well.

I am still at the stage of attempting to find housing in Cedar Rapids. It hasn't been the easiest thing to do since I'm not there. Almost two weeks ago, when I went to look at houses with my family, it was rather disappointing; there really weren't any that were interesting. So now I am apartment hunting. It isn't going very well. On Saturday I will have between 12:30 and 2:00pm and then again from probably about 3:30 until maybe 5:00. I have no idea how long it takes to get the grand tours of the apartments.

One interesting possibility has come up. My brother-in-law's brother lives in Marion, IA (right outside of Cedar Rapids) and is interested in renting out his basement. It doesn't have a kitchen yet, but my rent would consist of putting one in. Like I mentioned earlier...it's interesting.

Yesterday I was on the verge of a minor breakdown. I started calling apartment complexes and no one was answering the phones. How frustrating. Also, most places want me to sign a year's lease. Since I would prefer to buy a house rather than rent, I only want to sign for 6 months. If I lived in Scott's basement, I wouldn't have to sign a contract at all - another bonus. Plus I would probably end up covering most of the rent up front and not have to worry about monthly payments for a while.

A lot to think and pray about.

This morning I read Deuteronomy 31:8 - The Lord himself goes before you and is with you, he will not leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. Right now that verse is extremely reassuring.

Sold!

One week ago today, my house sold. We close on October 23, the day after my 31st birthday.

Now that my house has sold and my biggest obstacle for moving is out of the way, I'm almost getting nervous. I have some big changes ahead of me. I keep telling myself that I'll be OK and I know I will be. All major changes include some aspect of nervousness, no matter how great the change. I know God is in this so even if it is hard, I'm doing what I should be doing.

Saturday, I am going to Cedar Rapids to look for a new house. I'm hoping that I find one that I really love that is at the right price. I know most people desire this when they are looking to buy a house, who would think, "You know, I really want to buy a house I'll hate."

I'll keep you posted.

Iowa State Fair pt.2

Yesterday I made it back to the Iowa State Fair. As intended I was able to get some rib tips. They were worth an extra trip to the fair.

So here is the food run down for the day (and again, most of the food was shared 4 ways):

Rib Tips

Funnel Cake

Fried Snickers

Corn Dog

Chips

Turkey Leg

Pretzel

Taffy

I think that was everything, but I may have forgotten something.

Again I went with my sister, Deann, and we met up with our parents. Since we spent last Saturday there, we didn't do much beyond wander around aimlessly. We did watch the chainsaw carver at work.

At the end of the day, we went to a horse show. Two memorable things happened: 1) a draft horse reared up and ended up falling. FREAKY for those of us who aren't around horses often. And 2) a team of 6 came partially unhitched. Again FREAKY for those of us who aren't around horses often.

Over all it was a good day.

Making Some Changes

I'm sure that all of my regular readers (all 1 of you) have noticed that I have removed my Recent Reading gadget from my sidebar. There are a couple reasons for this: 1. I haven't really been keeping track of what I have been reading. 2. In the grand scheme of life, all the piddly books I was reading really don't matter. I've decided to start giving quick and incomplete reviews or summaries of the books that challenge me to think and act differently. First up is The Five Love Languages of Teenagers by Dr. Gary Chapman.

As in all the other Love Language books Dr. Chapman has written, he explains what the five love languages are and how they apply specifically to the target age group. The five love languages are 1. words of affirmation, 2. acts of service, 3. gifts, 4. physical touch, and 5. quality time. (I did not list the love languages in the order the author taught them.) Dr. Chapman did an excellent job explaining how each of these languages would be best received by teens and how, due to the fluctuating moods and states that teens experience, the teen's receptivity to any given language will vacillate depending on those states of mind.

The book is an easy read and will help the reader better understand teens and how to best relate and help them though the more difficult times of maturation.

After completing The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, I decided that since I didn't know what my personal love languages are I should take the appropriate test. Since I own The Five Love Languages of Singles I decided to turn to the end of the book and be quizzed. I discovered that I am bilingual and am most receptive to words of affirmation (this received 10 out of 30 points) and physical touch (this received 9 out of 30 points). I equally appreciate quality time and acts of service (5 points) but don't waste your money buying me stuff. Gifts scored a low 1 point so I really don't want you to give me anything. Oh wait. Let me re-think that one.

Moral of the story, if you want to make me feel loved feel free to tell me how great I am and give me random hugs.

Iowa State Fair

The end of summer is here and that means that it is time for the Iowa State Fair. Thursday was the opening day and also the day they hosted the Jeremy Camp and Steven Curtis Chapman concert. I was able to go thanks to Nita and April. I just want to say that the concert rocked...quite literally. Nita was able to get us some great seats. As soon as I saw how close we were to the stage I started kicking myself for not bringing my camera. I was able to take a couple photos with the camera on my phone, but they are poor quality and they make it seem as if we were quite a ways from the stage. SCC is pictured above. At least he is as pictured as my phone allows.

I have never been to a Jeremy Camp concert before and let me advise you that if you ever have the chance to see him live, take it. SCC was great as well. I thought that the combination of JC and SCC was unique. They both did a great job communicating that Christians should live life passionately for God. Both men have suffered huge losses in their lives: Jeremy Camp lost his first wife to cancer after they had only been married for three months, and Steven Curtis Chapman lost one of his young daughters in a tragic accident a year ago last May. Both men talked about how their relationship with God, during their raw grief, had to prove itself to be more than just words. It is a relationship that gets deeper and more refined with hard times. God truly is who He says He is in the Bible.

I'm having a hard time portraying the heart of what they said. Check out their blogs if you don't know what I am saying. I'm sure that you will be able to figure it out from there.

Yesterday I spent the day at the Fair. Anyone who has been there knows that the main attraction is the food. Typically I end up leaving the Fair being a bit disappointed because I get full too quickly and can't try a wide variety of foods. But yesterday, thankfully, I was with my parents and sister, Deann. The smart way to do the Fair is to be with a small group of people who want to split all sorts of foods.

Here is a run down of our day: (to the best of my recollection)

saw crafts

split giant pickles

saw things that were made out of butter (see pictures)

saw a sign for salad on a stick

shared a slice of apple pizza

ate an Elephant Ear

ate chips

decided I wanted to try rib tips

tried to find stand selling rib tips

looked at the winning entries for the ugly cake contest (one looked like the inside of a toilet bowl...I'll leave the mental picture up to your imagination)

tried to find stand selling rib tips

got free ice cream cones

tried to find stand selling rib tips

ate fried veggies (had to get something "healthy" in us)

saw more stuff

tried to find stand selling rib tips

sat on a bench for a while

ate a turkey leg

tried to find stand selling rib tips

bucket of chocolate chip cookies

gave up on the rib tips

In between our times of eating we did go into various buildings to see stuff. I didn't buy anything this year besides food, so as I left I felt as if I had missed out. Maybe I should go back this Saturday.

Deann and I left before my parents did and I was driving home I got a phone call from my mom telling me that they found the rib tips stand. Decision made: I'm going back this Saturday.

I'm a Broken Record

Almost every time I talk to basically anyone I end up telling them how excited I am to move. I thought that my house would have sold by now. I had really HOPED that my house would have sold by now. Oh well, chalk it up to another or rather my continued lesson on patience.

In a couple hours I will be heading to the pool with one of my sisters and her kids. I bought a pool pass this last spring and haven’t actually been able to use it. What a good investment. J The pool doesn’t open until 12:30 and the only days I’m not working in the afternoons are Tuesdays and Thursdays. So far this summer it just hasn’t worked out for me to go. How sad. On the bright side, I HAVE made it to the lake a couple times when the sun HAS been out. Yes, the sun was actually out and I was able to experience this more than once this summer. Yay!

More thoughts on change

Looking back, I think that my last post was rather confusing. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was saying and ended up combining two different but related thoughts. My apologies.

Here is a better explanation of my first thought: I've been reconnecting with some old friends. Although we haven't talked for years they seem to be the same. Circumstances in our lives have changed, but their basic personality and their character as a whole isn't necessarily all that different. Who they were becoming years ago is who they have turned out to be; and who they are now reflects who they were in the past.

My second thought was a bit of a disclaimer to the first thought: I don't think that people can't or don't go through radical transformations. The best transformations result from God turning us upside down and inside out for HIS glory. I also believe that there are bad transformations. Everyone will eventually get hit by the junk of life and when that happens we need to actively try to respond how God wants us to respond. If we don't we will often be tainted.

James tells us the best way to react: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. James 1: 2-8