Contemplation

I realize that I have been silent on my blog for the last month. Maybe I should have been updating, but honestly, I don't think that the mundane needs to be remembered or shared so publicly. So, since that is my view, why update now? Some things have been happening and I need to process them. I'm the type of person who processes things best by talking but that really isn't much of an option for me at the moment. I still don't have many friends here in Cedar Rapids and the new friends I have made probably wouldn't understand my thought process because most of them aren't believers. My old friends are probably all working or busy in one way or another.

A few words to summarize the last month: CHANGE and GROWING PAINS and UNCERTAINTY. Yesterday I was basically told that what I had been promised before my move wasn't going to happen. It is crushing to have dreams fall apart.

This morning I started reading in Job. Not because I really identify, I haven't lost everything - my family, possessions, health, but because a friend has a question and I'm trying to find answers. The side notes in my Bible have some hard questions: "If you lost everything in one day, what would be your biggest question? a. Why me? b. How could I have prevented this? c. What can I learn from this? d. Where is God? e. How can I recover? f. What will my insurance cover?" "After all of Job's losses, he responded by worshiping God. What can you praise God for right now?"

There are more questions in the sidelines, but these two are the most revealing for me. When I go through hard times, my response is generally to question God. Where is he? Why is he allowing this to happen? Why is life so complicated and hard? I don't think it is wrong to ask these questions, but I do think that it is wrong to have the answers (God is with me. He allows hard things to happen for his glory and my good. Sin.) and still insist on questioning God rather than accept that things are the way they are and praise him.

Another thought I had this morning caused me to turn to Genesis: to the beginning of mankind. I was reading the second chapter and I noticed that God provided for Adam and Eve before he created them. He provided the basic necessities for sustaining life and he provided a purpose. I believe with everything in me that God created me. Not only did he create me, but he loves and cherishes me as he did Adam and Eve. Reading this chapter of Genesis reminded me that God doesn't lead his children somewhere and abandon them. He provides everything we need to live and accomplish whatever he wants us to do.

He IS good. Always.

He DOESN"T change. Ever.

Anyway, this is just something I'm contemplating today.